Friday, 27 September 2013

The Jeep Pervert Dream

Jeep Photo by Bryce David

Photo by Bryce David, who is not a Jeep Pervert as far as I know. Creative Commons License

On Wednesday night I had a very funny dream. This was one of those dreams that I’m not even in. It’s like there’s a movie playing in my head, complete with camera angles and edits. Here’s how this one went:

Two men have pulled a successful heist and have gotten away with a bunch of money in their SUV. One of them is a little older & grizzled, kinda like James Caan how he looked in the 1990s, but maybe a bit leaner. The other guy is a taller, wiry, and slightly balding redhead with short-shorn hair and a goatee. He looks kinda like a cross between first-season-Mythbusters Adam Savage and Jesse Tyler Ferguson from Modern Family.

The two are traversing the back roads of the American Southwest on their way to Mexico. In order to avoid any chance of exposure, they decide not to stop at gas stations to refuel, and only to siphon gas from parked vehicles. They discover that many cars nowadays don’t have easy access to the gas cap; you have to break into the car and pull a little lever to open the gas cap. This is an unacceptable risk to the two thieves.

But they soon discover that Jeeps have completely-exposed gas caps, so they pledge to siphon gas from nothing but Jeeps from here on out.

They successfully suck gas from Jeeps in the middle of the night and continue south for an entire day until they get low on gas again. It gets dark, and then they find a poorly-lit (but huge) parking lot that is behind some sort of bar or maybe a casino. Cars frequently come and go, even in the middle of the night, but it would be easy to hide from view and siphon the gas from a Jeep. Unfortunately there are none in the parking lot!

The two decide to settle in for a stakeout. The Grizzled Guy wants to sleep first, so he makes the Wiry Ginger keep first watch.

GRIZZLED GUY
Be sure to wake me if you see a Jeep pull in.

WIRY GUY
Sure thing! No problem!

Grizzled Guy promptly dozes off. Wiry Guy takes his task seriously, and intensely and with high-energy watches for any possible sign of a Jeep entering the parking lot. He is seriously wired, bouncing up and down in his seat, his bugged-out eyes darting back and forth at any sign of movement. He is grinning like an idiot, so excited at the possibility of seeing a Jeep.

Finally, not one but TWO Jeeps independently pull into the parking lot. Wiry Guy squeals and bounces up and down in his seat, over-vigorously shaking Grizzled Guy away. Grizzled guy opens his eyes.

WIRY GUY
Two Jeeps! TWO JEEPS!!

Grizzled Guy groggily looks at just how overly-excited Wiry Guy is at seeing two jeeps. He shoves Wiry Guy’s hands away from him.

GRIZZLED GUY
What are you, a Jeep Pervert?

At this point I woke up laughing. I couldn’t believe my dream people came up with the phrase “Jeep Pervert.”

Categories: Dreams.

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