Monday, 29 October 2018

Halloween Book Review: “Goosebumps: Welcome to Sand Hands”

My God, they're made of sand…

My God, they’re made of sand…

This Halloween season, why not get spooked the heck out? Really, WHY NOT? Is there a better way to get spooked the heck out than by reading a supernaturally spooky book? What book series is more spooky than Goosebumps? Especially a choose-your-own-adventure Goosebumps!?

O gosh, reading this book made me scared that I would die of fear or scares that I might die.

In this book you take on the role of a spooked-the-heck-out teenager (though if you choose one path you skip to when he’s way growed up) who is scared of pretty much everything, and is spookily attracted to his cousin Zoe (she’s just as tall as you are, and she has the most amazing scent you’ve ever seen. Sometimes you bump into her on purpose). Also you might be attracted to your best bud slash basketball teammate Brad. In fact, it’s Brad’s basketball that serves as the catalyst for many of the horrific choices you must make!

But DON’T take my word for it. Just read these spooky excerpts from this relentless fright-fest… IF YOU DARE (YOU SHOULD DARE IT’S AMAZING)

Ho gosh this is scary should I read on?

Ho gosh this is scary should I read on?

O GOSH APPLES! I'm getting pretty scared gang I don't know if I can read much more… okay maybe just a bit more!

O GOSH SPOOKY APPLES! I’m getting pretty scared gang I don’t know if I can read much more… okay maybe just a bit more!

O NO I CANNOT POSSIBLY READ ANYMORE I'M AFEARD OF SCARES!

O NO I CANNOT POSSIBLY READ ANYMORE I’M AFEARD OF SCARES!

That's it I have died of scares and fears that I might die.

That’s it I have died of scares and fears that I might die.

Can you possibly believe how spooky/scary this book is? Is it EVEN POSSIBLE to believe it!?

Look, I don’t want to spoil too much of the spooky surprises (spookprises?), but the two main branches of the book have you either searching for a lost basketball in Zombie Forest (where your hands might become the titular Sand Hands), or flash-forwarding to many years in the future where you have might a confrontation with your vampire stepchildren (in which case your hands might never become the titular Sand Hands). I’m not sure which one made my heart beat like it was about to have a heart attack more.

There are apparently over 20 spooky endings to this book, but I can’t verify that because every time I get to an ending (usually pretty grisly/gross/bad!) I have to put the book down and run away screaming for several hours before the sweat dries and I’ve drunk enough of my own tears to restore my courage to read more. I’m happy to report that I did get one happy ending! I know because the words on the page said, “This is a happy ending” (even though the guitarist of the band Rush was dead at that point—whoops, spoilers!).

So if you’re stout of heart and gut, you should definitely freak yourself the heck out and get super-duper scared by reading Goosebumps: Welcome to Sand Hands. Thankfully, the whole book is online for you to read FOR SPOOKILY FREE!

  • TO READ GOOSEBUMPS: WELCOME TO SAND HANDS NOW, CLICK HERE!!!!
  • TO BE TOO SCARED TO READ IT BECAUSE YOU’RE A BABY WHO LIKES TO SUCK ON THE CORNER OF ITS BLANKET AND CRY AT BIRDS, DO NOT CLICK HERE!

THE CHOICE IS UP TO YOU!

Categories: Book Reviews, Books, Holiday, Reviews.

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