Jake Sisko & The Rock!

"Do you have the aroma of success?" asked Jake Sisko.
The Rock looked up from his sobbing and rubbed his weary tear stricken eyes."I guess" answered The Rock.
"Then Buck up" added Jake," The good times are right around the corner, and no rabbit is going to take that away from you."

"Just leave me here, the Toughies are too tough" moaned the Rock.
"no no no" said Jake, "we are going to walk out of this dome of bacon together, like two friendly spoons."
The Rock cried again.

Tony Danza stood over the Rock as the Rock cried and cried.
"don't be a fool" Whispered Danza.
The Rock cried some more. All he could think about was when Jake told him not to be a fool, but he was anyway. Where was Jake? Why hadn't he come out of the giant watermelon yet? Was this all part of the plan? The Rock couldn't take it anymore. He know that Jake would forgive him, in the end.
"Ok, you win" admitted the rock. "I'll tell you everything".
Tony Danza leaned back on his potato chair and howled with laughter. He grabbed his own face and tore it off, revealing Jake Sisko! " I forgive you!" Said Jake.

Jake measured the Rock's progress as the Rock neared the top of the peak.
"He's not making much headway," sighed Colm.
"He's not making any headway at all," snapped Jake.
"Give the man a chance. It took him all night to muster up the courage to head up that mountain. He's so near the top now, he's bound to make it. He's giving this climb every ounce of energy he has." Said Colm.
"Then why is he asleep?" Demanded Jake.
"You'll never get your shoes back." Laughed Colm.
"Stop being mean!" Shouted Jake.
"I can't. I'm a meany. Colm Meany!"
The Rock, meanwhile, was having a dream that he was on top of a huge stack of waffles, loved by all.
He woke up in tears.

The Rock, startled, looked down at his clenched fist. Slowly he opened his fingers. As tears rolled down his filthy cheeks he realized that Colm had given him his most precious possession. He looked up. Jake and Colm were already disappearing over the ridge. Jake looked back and grinned at the Rock, giving him a hearty thumbs-up. The Rock tried to call out, to tell Jake not to go, but his voice choked in his throat.
And then they were gone, disappeared out of sight behind the ridge. The Rock sank to his knees and his tears flowed freely over Colm's pewter figurine of Ving Rhames.

Jake and Colm walked over the ridge. Once they could see The Rock no longer, Jake looked over at Colm. "He's blubbering again, isn't he?"
Colm grinned. "Yeah, it was that Ving figurine that does it, every time. He thinks its some kind of rare, priceless thing to me. Truth is, I've got a gross of them in a box at home. He never gives them back."
Jake smiled back and raised a hand, palm open. "High five, dude."
Colm looked at the waiting hand, then at Jake, and continued walking down the slope.
Jake slowly lowered his hand and said, "Hey, let's get a taco."

Left so very alone the Rock stood like a morose monolith. The hot hot sun pushed down at him at his strongest shoulder. Inside of him, the Rock felt something crumble. Was it his weakness? Was it one of his grecian humours? The Rock did not care.
He lifted his strongest fist toward the hot hot sun. He cocked one eyebrow and said for all the dead humans that ever were and all the babies yet to be born to hear.
"Take it down a peg if you will!"
At that the sun cried. And so did also the Rock.
A river of golden and pathetic tears carved a canyon between the Rock's legs.
"I will call this place Rock Bottom. For this is where I have hit."
An aquatic ape swam up the river and ate the sun.

Jake Sisko gabbed Colm Meany's head and darted out of the cave. He made it out just in time for the mouth of the cave to slam shut, crushing the snake men behind him. Breathing a collective sigh of relief, Jake and Colm Meany's head turned their gaze skyward, hoping against hope that the Rock was having better luck than they were.
"He's bound to be out of that jar by now" muttered Colm Meany's head, "I mean, it didn't even have a lid."
"I don't know" said Jake distantly, " I just don't know... also, your head is as heavy as your entire body would be. That's wierd."
"Shut up."
They cast their eyes downward. Although they were trying to keep up an optimistic front, they both knew that somewhere, the Rock was out there: Probably stuck in a Jar, probably crying.
Meanwhile, Jonathan Taylor Thomas and the real Tony Danza met for the first, and last, time.

The cabin of the SS Leaky Tea Cup exploded. The flames rose against the calm backdrop of a cloudless night sky. As Jake and the Rock were thrown from the ship because of the force of the blast, the both reflected on what was most important in their lives. Jake thought of all his loved ones, and all his dreams and goals he had yet to fulfill, and became more resolute to continue the quest. The Rock thought about how much he wanted to cry, and cried.

The goblet was filled with succulent golden fruit, yet Jake didn't dare touch it. There had been all too many setbacks of late and today was no different. Plus, he wasn't eager for a reapeat of this afternoon's petrifying misstep. Yes, Colm had come unhinged after the Rock delivered the Toughies' declaration, but there was no excuse for the Rock's explosive confessions. "I can be stong."
"Stong indeed," Jake muttered aloud.
But in breaking the silence, he had broken the Rock's concentration and they both tumbled from the highwire like so many upended animal crackers.
Along with all the animal crackers

From off in the distance, anyone who wished it could hear the Rock's desperate cries that he needed no one's help, "no one not ever." When the cloud had settled at last, Colm made his angry face. His boots were as blackened as the shabby Indian-head penny he'd found moments ago. Jake hadn't thought to bring a spare helmet. "That'll do!" he pounded.
The less fancy motorbike was set, and off it went.

Jake Sisko lifted the heavy nailgun as the Rock stood next to the cliff. The Rock cried and cried.
"This is pointless" whimpered the Rock.
"Don't fret" calmed Jake Sisko. "I have the nailgun right here. There'll be no more interference from the snake monkeys. Trust me."
The Rock trusted him, but still cried.
Just then, Colm Meany appeared in the sky, riding a jet pack shaped like Ving Rhames. "I've got the camera!"
The Rock was so frightened by Colm's sudden appearence that he fell off the cliff. He cried. Colm took a picture. Jake gasped in suprise, but did not falter. He quickly lept from the cliff, firing the nail gun over and over, creating a bed of nails, which he landed safely on, with enough time to catch the crying and shivering Rock.
Colm gave Jake the 5 bucks that he owed him, which gave the Rock time to calm down.
"Jake, I thoght it was over for me... you saved me... again."
" I know"
"Thanks, man, thanks."
"Don't mention it. Remember all the times you saved me?"
"I have never saved you, jake..."
"True, but I still believe in you."
"You guys are making me sick." Said an impatient Colm Meany. "And the Snake monkeys are back."
Colm flew away on the camera as Jake Sisko prepared for battle (even though the nail gun was now empty). And the Rock...
Cried....

"Burn the Mother Fucker" snapped colm meany.
"I can't burn him, he's Johnathan Taylor Thomas. He's Famous" Said Jake Sisko.
The Rock could not say anything. He was too busy crying. As the Rock cried himself to sleep, Johnathan Taylor Thomas lied in a raspy voice, "It's too late for me anyway. I took them on... I took them on and they are too Tough. Too tough for even you Jake."
Jake Sisko eyed the dying master assasin. "Johnathan, it didn't need to end up this way. We could have been a team."
"You ruined that long ago." Said Colm Meany in his best Johnathan Taylor Thomas impression.
Everyone turned to Colm. Colm looked embarassed and lightly kicked the rock. "Quit f-ing around, Rock."
Johnathan Taylor Thomas died suddenly in Jake Sisko's arms.
"This is a sad day" whispered Jake.
The Rock Cried in his sleep.
Meanwhile, The REAL Tony Danza pulled the lever on the great machine, and another Johnathan Taylor Thomas was extruded from the pipe.
"Excellent" said The REAL Tony Danza. "Just excellent". The thunder that came from his mouth made a defening roar.

Even Jake had a hard time avoiding the burning stare of the Hasslepups. He was briefly blinded and lashed out indisciminately, repeately striking the Rock, who was already crying. Colm Meany's Head was in a bad, and his arms were tied together in a sack, but even he was aware of the Hasslepups dominion over all they surveyed. Only the Rock, who's eyes were choked with tears, was not affected by the Hasslepups, for his vision was blurred by his overactive tearducts. He kicked the pups into the river.

"About the car..." mentioned Colm meaney, "I did not think the Rock would wreck it."
"The Rock can't drive. He's a wrestler," Said Jake Sisko.
Jake and Colm stared at each other for a moment, before the whale spat them out. They were imediatly swallowed by a giant cupcake-shaped mushroom, which then spat them out into a giant dish.
When the giant spider decended from a vine shaped like a whisker, Jake said, "Don't let the Rock drive again, it just makes him cry."
"Um... that is a big ass spider," said Colm.
"Don't change the subject," Said Jake.
"Fine". And with that, Colm handed Jake his 7th "I'm sorry" card.
The spider died.

"This tiny, helpful car has managed to save us all." Jake managed to say.
And with that, the car slipped from this world to the next, and the Rock cried. Jake Sisko took the hat off of the Head of Colm Meany, and placed it over Colm's heart, which was waiting impatiently in the hall.
A makeshift grave was erected where the car had fallen, and words were spoken by all who knew the car best, and by those whose lives had been touched by the diminutive machine that demonstrated such bravery.
last to speak were Han Solo and Harrison Ford. Harrison, almost too choked to speak, was supported by a comforting Han, who was also on the verge of tears. After their eulogy, they were helped from the impromptu shrine by Jake and Boba Fett.
The Rock was catatonic with tears, but everyone made a vow that day that the Toughies must be taken on... and everyone knew that they could... for they had seen True Toughness in the heart of that sweet, tiny car.