SHOW RESULTS
May Melee (Maime-More-ial Day Bleak-end): May 26th 2007
Charlie was forced by a member of the Official Board of Wrestling to fire the FPRL’s own staff doctor, Dr. Doctopus, and implement a wellness policy. This lead to unforeseen consquences in the main event when Rabbiddogg accidentally swallowed some of Squid-Bo’s squid ink – a blatant violation of the wellness policy’s rules on imbibing exotic substances. The match was thrown out and an immediate rematch scheduled.
But with the Rabbiddogg off to marry Disney’s the Little Mermaid, Squid-Bo needed a replacement opponent. What he got was the rematch everyone wanted to see when the Shooting Star took to the ring. These two had just finished recording a rap album together, but now only one of them could be FPRL champion. For Shooting Star, dreams finally came true on May 26, 2007. Oh, and he broke his neck again, too.
It was an emotional night as Shooting Star gave the title back to Squid-Bo and told the crowd to follow their dreams. Mr. Money was so impressed with the show, and Charlie’s overall handling of the FPRL, that he assigned Charlie to head up the FPRL’s new training facility in China. But with Charlie heading overseas (and taking several top FPRL stars with him to run the training camp), Rabbiddogg away to enjoy married life, Shooting Star injured yet again, and Dr. Doctopus replaced by a hillbilly, what will become of the FPRL?
| Match
Results |
Opening
Tag Team Match:
I Think Pink defeats Sweet & Low when Sweet taps out to the Poetry Slam – a submission move wherein Pink’s sister holds down the opponent as Pink tortures him with beat poetry.
|
Main Event Qualifying Match :
Gazelle, as always, fights like a machine as soon as the bell rings. But El Matador De Los Santos of the LLLL (Legitimate Lucha Libre League) manages to defeat her by pinfall. El Matador doesn’t even work for the FPRL, how rude.
|
Debut Loser Match
Dr. Hillbilly MD of Kicking Ass makes his debut in the FPRL to annoying banjo music. He attempts to cure Fry of his drug problem during the match, but Fry doesn’t want to be cured. Furthermore, Fry has the upper hand as, unbeknownst to all, Crazy Bean is secretly perched upon him and contributing to the match. Fry is defeated by Dr. Hillbilly via pinfall and thus wins the match according to FPRL Loser Match rules.
|
The
Main Event: 3 Man Aluminum Cage Match
The aluminum cage is lowered to the ring and falls apart repeatedly during this match. El Matador De Los Santos is defeated via pinfall by Rabbiddogg. Squid-Bo defeats Rabbiddogg via pinfall to retain the FPRL championship.
|
The
Surprise Rematch
The previous match is thrown out due to a technicality, and Squid-Bo must defend the gold again. The Shooting Star defeats Squid-Bo to become the FPRL champion.
Shooting Star’s neck breaks several times during the match and he cannot retain the title. As the belt reverts back to Squid-Bo, both men are the real champions in the eyes of the FPRL fans.
|
[top]
Rassle Dazzle: January 13th 2007
FPRL fans wouldn’t let freezing temperatures stop them from witnessing history being made at Studio 321 Arena. After fully healing from the broken neck he suffered in August, the Shooting Star got his chance to prove that “dreams come true” as he went face to face against Squid-Bo for the FPRL championship. And dreams really did come true – at least for a while.
Meanwhile, Charlie wrote a script for the FPRL superstars to read from during their on-camera appearances. According to the onscreen storyline, Horatio Mercutio has purchased the town where Crazy Bean lives and is attempting to drive him out. Gazelle and Al Smiles are suffering the results of an affair that involves Beekeeper. And Squid-Bo’s dialogue was inexplicably provided by the Rabbiddogg.
| Match Results |
Opening
Match:
Al Smiles the “I’ve Been Stung By Bees” Blue Chipper somehow manages to defeat the Hibernator via pinfall. Al Smiles is then massacred by Beekeeper, who believes Al is making fun of his beekeeping gimmick.
|
Tag Team Match :
After a long and pleasant picnic in the ring, The Flying Frenchmen accidentally cause The Drunken Ire to pin themselves and become FPRL tag team champions.
|
Debut Handicap Match
Dirty Heel completely annihilates debut tag team I Think Pink to the joy of all.
|
Triple Threat Tag Team “Boyz” Match
WW2 Boyz manage to throw both the Siamese Boyz and the Brothers Boyz over the top rope, before they themselves are thrown over the top rope by a giant-fish-wielding Fry. Due to the outside interference, the match ends in a disqualification.
|
The
Main Event:
The Shooting Star defeats Squid-Bo (c) via pinfall to become FPRL champion. Shooting Star’s arm is raised in victory, which causes his fragile neck to break again. The FPRL championship reverts back to Squid-Bo, who remains FPRL champion.
|
[top]
Hot Time In The Old Town Tonight: August 26th 2006
What an exciting show this was! Several new
wrestlers
made their debuts in the FPRL and the capacity crowd
was excited throughout the entire event. Gazelle, The
Huggernaut
and Haloran all dominated in their first FPRL
singles
matches. Perhaps most surprising, Mr. Money made the
unprecedented move of booking a wrestler who doesn't
work for the FPRL in the main event. Luckily,
Squid-Bo
and Wushu convinced El Matador De Los Santos to
wrestle in an American ring for the first time.
After spending six months recovering from a broken
neck, Shooting Star made his triumphant return to
the FPRL. His return was cut tragically short when
Dirty Heel broke his neck 42 times.
| Match Results |
Opening
Match:
Gazelle massacres Al Smiles the "Head Lice" Blue
Chipper and defeats him via pinfall.
|
Loser
Match :
He Is A Monster defeats the Huggernaut via pinfall,
causing the Huggernaut to become FPRL Loser
Champion.
|
Debut Match
Haloran makes short work of debut rassler Random
Battle, defeating him via pinfall.
|
Surprise Match
After a burly firefighter came to the ring and said that due
to fire code regulations, the fire dept. now owned
Studio 321 Arena, Beekeeper (as his previous persona "Thrasher") defeats firefighter via twenty minute curb stomp.
|
The
Main Event:
Shooting Star defeats Hibernator via pinfall. Dirty
Heel defeats Shooting Star via pinfall and by
repeatedly breaking his neck. El Matador De Los
Santos
defeats Dirty Heel via pinfall. Squid-Bo (c) defeats
El Matador De Los Santos via pinfall to retain the
FPRL championship. Squid-Bo unmasks El Matador De Los
Santos to reveal... An identical mask underneath.
|
[top]
Rassle Dazzle: January 7th 2006
What an exciting show this was! The Ref,
Squid-Bo, and the Rabbid Dogg all went to etiquette school
so that Squid-Bo and Rabbid Dogg would drool less. It turned
out that the school was run by the Pumpnpoo Brothers (one
of whom was named Jennifer and might have been a girl).
Charlie was approached by a network executive
who needed ten more shows other than just the FPRL! Dirty
Heel quickly volunteered to be put in a house alone with nine
strangers, and in fact went ahead with that without getting
approval. The footage he brought back was kind of bloody...
Weird enlisted Sombitch's help in removing
all of the pudding in Weird's dressing room, pudding that
had gotten in there by a "strange conveyance" (which
later turned out to be Color). Eventually the two found themselves
in the ring squaring off against the pudding!
The Hibernator enlisted the help of He Is
a Monster to become more popular with the ladies, as The Hibernator
can't hibernate again until he "mates and feeds."
After being hypnotized by The Hibernator
at the end of the Opening Match, Silver Beagle approached
Wushu to help with a, um.... personal problem.
And the Main Event of the night had an ending
so shocking that even one of the people involved couldn't
believe it really happened!
| Match Results |
Opening
Match:
The Hibernator defeats Silver Beagle via pinfall. |
Loser
Match :
Fry is defeated by Reverend Evil via pinfall |
Tag
Team Debut Match:
Los Dos Guapidos Boyz defeat The Pumpnpoo Bros. via
pinfall |
Handicap
Match
Sombitch & Weird wrestle an aquarium full of pudding
to a no-contest. |
The
Main Event:
The Ref (c) defeats The Rabbid Dogg via disqualification;
Squid-Bo defeats The Ref via pinfall to become the new
FPRL Champion! |
[top]
Inde-PAIN-dance Day: July 30th 2005
What an exciting show this was! There was
a stipulation put on the opening match that three Superstars
would have their names put into a hat. The Ref (c) would draw
the name of his challenger immediately before the match!
Things were going as usual when all of a
sudden during the opening match between The Crazy Bean and
Sombitch some music started playing that we hadn't heard in
quite a while... it was THE GREAT INVERTER! He ran in and
thrashed the place and while plugging his new film project
also said that he wanted to put his name in the hat to become
the FPRL Champion once again!
| Match Results |
Opening
Match:
Sombitch defeats The Crazy Bean via pinfall. The Great
Inverter disrupts this match. |
Tag
Team Match:
Best Friends Forever defeat Sweet & Low via pinfall.
|
Tag
Team Match:
Lightning Joe Lightning & Halloran wrestle The Siamese
Boyz with Man in the Audience to a no-contest when Halloran
malfunctions |
Debut
Match: Loser Match
He is a Monster loses to The Sweetest Sensation
to win this Loser Match. |
The
Main Event:
The Ref (c) defeats Weird, Dirty Heel, and The Great
Inverter via disqualification; The Ref defeats The Rabbid
Dogg via pinfall to retain the FPRL Championship. |
[top]
Rassle Dazzle: February 5th 2005
What an exciting show this was! Mr. Money,
dismayed that a young woman had covered her ears at one point
during the opening match, left his assistant Charlie in charge
of the show. Charlie soon was told to his dismay that the
Studio 321 Arena was sinking more and more into the Earth
every time a superstar was knocked down!
The Ref went to Nascar to get advice on how
to speed up his matches, then finally Wushu showed him some
secret kung-fu hand motions that would speed him up and give
him lots of energy. Unfortunately Dirty Heel snuck some extra
pages into Wushu's handbook, giving The Ref a hand motion
that would cause time to go back, and another one that could
cause someone's spleen to explode!
Incredible Bastard and Sombitch tried once
and for all to figure out who Bastard's father was. They went
to Dr. Doctopus for memory medicine for Sombitch so he could
remember. Instead, Dr. Doctopus gave Sombitch some hypnotherapy,
in which Sombitch remembered that some 25-30 years ago there
was a rassler named "Incredible Hombre" (who for
some reason was French) whose valet was named "Mrs. Dash."
Sombitch was sure that Mrs. Dash was Incredible Bastards mom.
Problem was, everybody and his brother had slept with Mrs.
Dash, and the DNA paternity test results from the Easy-Bake
Oven came back positive for Sombitch, Squid-Bo, Lightning
Joe Lightning, and Dr. Doctopus to all be Bastard's dad! Turns
out, though that Bastard's mom wasn't Mrs. Dash after all,
so he still doesn't know who his father is.
The Siamese Boyz went into Dirty Heel's dressing
room to find some glue (glue that Dirty Heel had earlier used
to glue He Is a Monster to a basketball court) to glue themselves
together so they would be more like an actual Siamese Twin
team. Dirty Heel found them there and accidentally ended up
getting glued to them. He reluctantly joined the team, but
found it great fun to insert profanities into their speeches
and repeated punch them in the groin (since they couldn't
get away).
Charlie, meanwhile, tried to get first The
Best Friends Forever and then Los Dos Guapidos Boyz to dig
Studio 321 out from the sinkhole it was descending.
| Match Results |
Opening
Match:
Reverend Evil defeats The Rabbid Dogg via submission
when Rev. Evil forced Rabbid Dogg to tap out to "The
Confessional." |
Tag
Team Title Match:
WW2 Boyz defeat Lightning Joe Lightning and Halloran
via pinfall to become the new FPRL Tag Team Champs when
Wildlife pins Halloran, who was crying "like a
baby." |
Non-Title
Tag Match:
The Brothers Boyz and the Siamese Boyz (with Dirty Heel
and Silver Beagle attached to them via glue) wrestle
to a no-contest when the Ethan/Todd/Dirty/Beagle mess
rolls out of the ring and over Color & Play-By-Play. |
Debut
Match:
The Crazy Bean (an actual bean brought to life via a
"formula" that also gave him super-speed),
accompanied by his manager Horatio Mercurtio, defeats Squid-Bo
via pinfall after explaining that he needed to win for
his wife at home. |
The
Main Event:
The Ref (c) defeats Beekeeper via submission to retain
the FPRL championship after Beekeeper reverts to "Thrasher,"
an illegal move that so enraged The Ref that his hand
motions upon calling the illegal move beat the crap
outta Thrasher, causing him to tap. Also, time folded
back on itself several times and Beekeeper's spleen
exploded. |
[top]
|
