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Labels: Animal Crossing, Dreams, Zelda

Jack Black of Tenacious D fame lived in the back of an Australian zoo/museum with his new bandmates. Meanwhile, a middle-aged couple were arrested by a SWAT team (in a scene very much like the one towards the end of Brazil) for living an "alternative lifestyle." Upon reading about this in the newspaper, Jack Black became so enraged that he briefly transformed into his John K animated version and declared that he wasn't gonna just sit there and let the government dictate how people lived their private lives. Except he swore an awful lot when he said it.

Back to his non-cartoon version, Jack Black sued the government and went to court, giving an impassioned speech in front of a white-wigged judge to the effect that it should be illegal for any public government anywhere to legislate private morality.

He promptly lost the case.

Six months later, though, he re-sued on some technicality. The case dragged on for months, during which time an extremely agitated Jack Black continually berated the Judge and jury for being "the man" and being hypocrites, "because who doesn't like to smoke a little now and then, y'know? Yeah, you know!" He singled out a librarian-looking, middle-aged woman in the jury and began doing his soft-talking seduction voice on her, trying to get her to admit that she smoked pot. She was absolutely aghast.

Eventually the general public caught wind of Jack Black's courtroom shenanigans and totally got behind him, cheering for this buffoon to actually win! In the end, exhausted from having to deal with this idiot for so long, the Judge and jury actually gave in and ruled in Jack Black's favor! The "alternative lifestyle" couple was set free!

I (a court reporter at this time) went down to the zoo, which was also partially a museum, and found Jack Black's bandmates hanging out in an unlocked cage in an artificial cave watching some TV. I asked them where Jack Black was, and they said he was probably around somewhere, as he'd just gone to get a burrito.

I waited and he eventually did come back, munching on his burrito. He led me on a brief tour of the museum portion of the zoo, where he seriously orated his beliefs in the importance of preserving the environment, and how he wistfully longed for those turn-of-the-century days when Australia was a much wilder, freer place.

Labels: Australia, Dreams, Jack Black

Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor from the Superman movies, Danny DeVito from the Romancing the Stone movies, and Sandra Bernhardt from Hudson Hawk all teamed up to bring about an apocalypse. Their plan: to use two tiny, gold-filled barges in a small pond on the side of a hill to perform an arcane ritual during a lunar eclipse to summon Unicron.

My brother, Geoff, and I were all secret agents (who were staked out in the house I grew up in) who were supposed to stop this from happening.

Unfortunately I was distracted by having to deal with an enraged (and strangely small at only about 10 feet tall) Optimus Prime, who had arrived on earth in his day-glo dune buggy and was driving it around the city like a maniac, looking for those who were in league with his arch-enemy Unicron.

I eventually got him to calm down some, but the time I wasted in dealing with him meant that the united villains had time to initiate the ritual! Mike & Geoff called me to tell me that they'd pinpointed the location where the ritual was taking place, so I hopped in my car and started driving north on the freeway to get there. I looked off to my left and saw the moon for just an instant before it was completely enveloped in black. Not just a lunar eclipse, this was unnatural, black-magic black. It was a portal! I had to hurry and stop the ritual before Unicron could cross through!

Suddenly, though, the black disc of the moon got all distorted and stretched out. I asked Geoff (over the car's radio), "Is that supposed to happen?"

"Um... I don't think so," Geoff answered.

Pretty soon the moon suddenly blinked back to normal. Had the ritual succeeded or failed? I drove on, arriving at the side of the hill just after dawn.

Disguising myself as an elderly black gentleman, I secretly parked the car out of sight and climbed the hill, pretending to be merely out for a morning stroll. I soon came across the site of the ritual and saw what had prevented it from happening: there had been a small landslide that had filled half of the pond and buried one of the barges! We'd been lucky.

The villains' henchmen, dressed in the red uniforms of the aliens from the V miniseries, were busy draining the rest of the pond and digging out the barge. One of them saw me and shooed me away with, "Hey, you're not allowed to be here!"

"What's going on?" I asked in my elderly black gentleman voice.

"We're just cleaning up a landslide," the henchman said. "Nothing to see here. Move along."

I glanced down the hill towards the pond where I saw the three main movie villains all acting very upset. Sandra Bernhardt was so upset that she was drinking the bottle of Champagne that they'd planned on saving until after they'd summoned Unicron.

I made my way back down to the bottom of the hill and was confronted by a confused but unreasonably attractive young Japanese woman who wanted to know what was going on. I kind of hit on her while telling her that it was just some forest workers cleaning up a landslide. She giggled and thought I was a charming old man. Something seemed suspicious, though; she seemed very out of place.

I excused myself and made my way back to the car and drove back to the house where Mike and Geoff were. For some reason they were making elaborate, extremely risky plans to retrieve the gold barges. But I got the sense that they didn't want to retrieve the barges to stop the ritual, but because they wanted the gold! They'd gone all greedy! And I was certain the plans they were making were going to compromise all three of us (if they hadn't already), so I quickly gathered my things and slipped out of the house through the backyard.

That night the trio of villains had cleaned up the hillside and pond and were ready to try again. There was a funny scene where they all waded into the pond up to their waists except for Danny DeVito, who was so short that the water came up to his chin and he had to tilt his head back to keep from getting water in his mouth. They stood in between the two barges. Gene Hackman kept on having to shove them apart because they kept on drifting together, threatening to crush the trio.

They looked up to the moon and started calling out things like, "O Unicron, great and powerful! We implore that you hear us!"

After doing this for a while Gene Hackman and Sandra Bernhardt got bored and waded ashore, but they told Danny DeVito that he had to stay in the pond for the ritual to work. Sandra Bernhardt started drinking more Champagne. Danny DeVito was upset, especially when as a side effect of the ritual the pond water started to rise! There was even wacky background music as Danny DeVito struggled to stay afloat and keep the barges from crushing him!

At some point I had a conversation with Optimus Prime in which we realized that even if we stopped the ritual this time, someone might try again and succeed later in the future. The only way to be sure was to destroy Unicron completely. At that, my dream cut to a scene of a Unicron-sized Optimus Prime grappling with Unicron.

Labels: Dreams, Transformers

There were a bunch of small, duplex-like white buildings to my right (east), and a broad sidewalk ran parallel to them. Off to the left (west) was a large, flat, grassy plain that continued on to the west for a few miles, eventually meeting up with some low mountains. All of these features (buildings included) continued north and south as far as I could tell.

Several people I know (including me) were walking south along this broad sidewalk. It was rather crowded, with various unknown people walking in both directions. The sky was an intimidating gray. I happened to look off to my left and said, "Oh, hey, look; that looks like about an F-4 to me."

Indeed, a quarter-mile-wide tornado was silently plowing its way south through the plains to the west. Nobody seemed very concerned, though—there was nothing over there it could actually damage, and it wasn't heading in our direction, just going steadily south at barely more than walking speed. So we all just kinda watched it like you'd watch a pretty sunset as we continued walking on.

Eventually the fact that I've been playing a lot of Super Mario Galaxy became apparent: a bunch of tiny (18" wide), blue, rope-like tornadoes began to appear on the sidewalk and slowly move back and forth across the width of it so that all of the people had to maneuver their way around them.

Labels: Dreams, Tornadoes

Labels: Dreams, Life, Links

An evil corporation was trying to find some ancient Chinese dragon blood so that the greedy and cruel CEO could infuse himself with it and therefore live forever. However, through some sort of accident I ended up getting infused with it, which enabled me to tranform into a huge (100 meters long or so) white Chinese dragon. The CEO realized that some random guy (me) had accidentally gotten the dragon blood, and so sent out squads of goons to find me.

In order to hide from the evil corporation that was hunting me, I found a young girl who had chronic nightmares and hid in her dreams, where I would fight off her nightmares. It was a symbiotic relationship; nobody could find me in her dreams (obviously), and I helped get rid of her nightmares. Her mother was also an important character. I think she was kind of like my love interest, but I know she was also distrustful of me as well for some reason.

Eventually the CEO managed to synthesize more dragon blood, since the real stuff had been in his lab. But the synthesized blood was unstable. It transformed him into an insane black Chinese dragon that was only a raving monster. But the synthesized blood was close enough to real blood that the CEO could sense that I was hiding in this girl's dream, and so the black dragon burst out of the corporation's skyscraper and flew towards the girl's house.

I could sense the evil dragon coming, and knew that it was going to kill the girl to get to me, so I had to leave the girl's dreams very suddenly. I fought the evil black dragon in a big battle in the sky, but it was so ferocious that it managed to slash three deep gashes on the left side of my dragon face and knock me out of the sky and back into human form. With me out of commission the CEO flew back towards the little girl's house with the intention of killing her so that I couldn't escape back into her dreams. I, however, managed to summon the fortitude to transform back into the white dragon, and I flew past the enraged black dragon and got to the girl's house first.

In order to protect the girl I had to abduct her, much to the chagrin of the girl's mom. From her point of view a giant white dragon with three huge gashes in its face suddenly flew from out of nowhere, reached into her daughter's room and flew off with her. Very traumatic for the mom, but the girl recognized me as the dragon from her dreams and so assumed that she was dreaming. I played along and told her that I was here to protect her from a nightmare—the raplidly approaching black dragon.

(Interestingly, the little girl was the only person who could understand me when I was a dragon, since I couldn't actually speak English in that form. I think our dream-link gave us a limited form of telepathy or something like that)

The black dragon managed to catch up with me as I was flying away with the girl and we fought another titanit battle. But the synthesized black dragon blood started to break down and the black dragon started to freak out. As the sun rose I managed to wrap myself around it boa-constricter-style and squeeze it to sleep. It fell to the ground in a big field and transformed back into the CEO, who was quickly picked up by his underlings.

Exhausted, I floated gently to the ground with the little girl and transformed back into my human form. The mom came running up and was tearfully relieved that her daughter was okay. She started to thank me, because she thought that I was just some guy who found her, but then she noticed that my human face had three huge scars across it that looked exactly like the scars on the face of the dragon that "kidnapped" her daughter. She slapped me and started screaming at me to stay away. But then the little girl intervened and said that I was a goodguy because in her "nightmare" I was a dragon and I saved her from an evil dragon. She still thought it was all just a dream!

The mother realized that I actually saved her daughter and so reluctantly thanked me, but she didn't want anything to do with me until she realized that I was also the one who was helping the girl fight off her dream nightmares. The mom and I formed an uneasy truce where I was allowed to go into the girl's dreams to help her with her nightmares, but if I ever put her in danger again the mom would kill me.

Back at the corporation, the evil CEO revealed that he had no memory of being the monstrous black dragon. The synthesized blood was declared a failure, but the CEO said that that's okay; they'll just try again and again until they get it right...

Wow! At that point I woke up, went to the bathroom, and then came back to bed, where I had this dream:

I was now friends with special guest star David Duchovny. He was exhausted with work, and so I brought him into the little girl's dreams with me so he could be entertained by watching me fight off her nightmares. This particular nightmare was a big, round, gorilla-like thing. The setting was a lot like something out of Batman Begins. It was in an old wooden building and during our fight we kept on crashing through walls and floorboards and stuff like that.

The next day, back at the evil corporation where I was an employee (somewhat of an assistant to the evil CEO), they'd been trying for a couple of months now to synthesize dragon blood, but their three test subjects didn't respond right; none of them turned into dragons. It made one only able to see a pinkish-beige color. Another was hospitalized with some other symptoms. I recognized all these as partial dragon traits. The CEO was now hiding the fact that the back of his right hand had a subtly scaly pattern on it.

Unfortunately I woke up at this point, so I don't know how the rest of the episode went. But I have a feeling that the television series would work like a monster-of-the-week show, where the test subject for the synthesized dragon blood would turn into some sort of monster that I would have to fight at the end of the episode.

My dream people are AWESOME.

Labels: Dreams

Labels: Dreams, Tornadoes