Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Jack Black is the Larry Flynt of Australia

I don’t mean for this website to turn into just a chronicle of my dreams, but I keep on having such awexome ones that I have to write them down! Case in point: last night…

Jack Black of Tenacious D fame lived in the back of an Australian zoo/museum with his new bandmates. Meanwhile, a middle-aged couple were arrested by a SWAT team (in a scene very much like the one towards the end of Brazil) for living an “alternative lifestyle.” Upon reading about this in the newspaper, Jack Black became so enraged that he briefly transformed into his John K animated version and declared that he wasn’t gonna just sit there and let the government dictate how people lived their private lives. Except he swore an awful lot when he said it. 

Back to his non-cartoon version, Jack Black sued the government and went to court, giving an impassioned speech in front of a white-wigged judge to the effect that it should be illegal for any public government anywhere to legislate private morality.

He promptly lost the case.

Six months later, though, he re-sued on some technicality. The case dragged on for months, during which time an extremely agitated Jack Black continually berated the Judge and jury for being “the man” and being hypocrites, “because who doesn’t like to smoke a little now and then, y’know? Yeah, you know!” He singled out a librarian-looking, middle-aged woman in the jury and began doing his soft-talking seduction voice on her, trying to get her to admit that she smoked pot. She was absolutely aghast.

Eventually the general public caught wind of Jack Black’s courtroom shenanigans and totally got behind him, cheering for this buffoon to actually win! In the end, exhausted from having to deal with this idiot for so long, the Judge and jury actually gave in and ruled in Jack Black’s favor! The “alternative lifestyle” couple was set free!

I (a court reporter at this time) went down to the zoo, which was also partially a museum, and found Jack Black’s bandmates hanging out in an unlocked cage in an artificial cave watching some TV. I asked them where Jack Black was, and they said he was probably around somewhere, as he’d just gone to get a burrito.

I waited and he eventually did come back, munching on his burrito. He led me on a brief tour of the museum portion of the zoo, where he seriously orated his beliefs in the importance of preserving the environment, and how he wistfully longed for those turn-of-the-century days when Australia was a much wilder, freer place.

The funniest thing about the whole dream to me (aside from the half minute where Jack Black became a cartoon) was that it was never actually specified what the couple’s “alternative lifestyle” actually consisted of. Everybody in the dream seemed to know, but it was never actually said by anyone, so I have no idea what was so “alternative” about them!

Categories: Dreams.

One thought on “Jack Black is the Larry Flynt of Australia”

  1. Gary says:

    Wow – I always knew that Jack Black and I were tied somehow – but who’d a guessed it was that were are both secretly defenders of these ‘alternative lifestyles’ of which you speak? ; )

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