It’s crunch time: we’re down to the last couple of days before that big Chrissymiss holiday that I hear a bunch about. It’s easy to get all stress-ified this time of year, so it’s always important to seek out some holiday cheer. Here are some suggestions of mine on how to find the cheer this year:

Enjoy Some Holiday Lights

Merry Christmas from Zoolights, Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium’s annual holiday celebration where they dress up the zoo with millions of Christmas lights in all sorts of Christmassy displays! What could be more Christmassy than these:

Christmas Scorpions!

The Christmas Spider!

Well, I can’t say that I’m too familiar with the Christmas Scorpions and Spiders… but I guess they might help put you in the mood? How about we look at some lights that remind us of the savior for whom this holiday is really celebrated:

Our Dread Lord and Savior, Cthulhu!

If that doesn’t put you in the holiday mood of cheer, how about…

Listen to Some Holiday Music

Musician Three Ninjas has put out a little holiday EP! With songs titles like “Joy & Goodwill,” “The Birth of Our Savior (is the Death of my Dream),” and “It’s an Agonizingly Slow Death,” this is sure to coat you liberally in some holiday cheer:

Hmm… maybe depressing country music isn’t your thing this time of year? Well, how about music from world-renowned, highly-honored actor and performer Sir Christopher Lee?

Wow, that’s some really hardcore death metal, isn’t it? Maybe you should download Sir Christopher’s latest song, “Darkest Carols, Faithful Sing” here and listen to it over and over again at full volume to blast some holiday cheer into your ear.

No? Let’s try…

Watch Some Made-For-TV Holiday Movies

What could be more heartwarming than some good ol’ made-for-TV movies about the holidays? Luckily for us Twitter user @audipenny has watched them all for you and has reviewed them here. Here’s a sample of what you can enjoy:

A Rake That Was A Manger Too

Named 2009’s “What Is This. No Seriously What” film of the year, a small-town rake drives, yes drives, into town and proves to everyone that rakes that drive cars into towns can also be outside rooms where Jesuses are born, god my head never stops hurting, do you think there is a baby in there

Sound good? No? You should read through the rest of them.

Still not feeling the holiday spirit? Feeling more of a horrorday spirit? Well, there’s always one thing you can do: put the power in your own hands by creating your own holiday cheer from scratch…

Make Some Holiday Snowflakes

Make your own paper snowflakes. Don’t know how? You’re in luck because I wrote a detailed tutorial a few years ago. You can make beautiful snowflakes like this:

The Snowflake Devourer

If the threat of world annihilation from Galactus, the dreaded World Devourer doesn’t make you feel some holiday cheer, then I don’t know what will.

HAPPY HOLIDAYSES 2014!

Tweeter of the Month:
@audipenny
Perhaps the most laugh-out-loud Twitter talent out there right now, Audrey Farnsworth crafts tweet jokes that seem to start out in a safe, predictable way, but quickly veer off into bizarre surrealism. She is a brilliant mixture of mundane and insane. I absoluterly LORVE this kind of humor. It reminds me a Jack Handey in a very palpable way. It was hard for me to pick just a couple of tweets from her, so here are six:

I'd love to stay but I've got that flu of where if you keep talking, my arms turn into shovels and I just start digging

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 29, 2014

It's so good to see you, can you tell I'm lying, are my eyes doing that thing of where arms grow out of them and push you away

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 28, 2014

Catch me in the clubs surfboarding into your heart on a saltine

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 27, 2014

How far along into the home brewing process before it's real beer I'm making and not just baby bats in hospital gowns all over my house

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 26, 2014

Life hack: put a pair of glasses on a roasted ham and just stare at it and and scream and don't move anymore forever

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 24, 2014

Romance your partner by taking the form of a tortilla, wrapping yourself around your boyfriend & screaming, "U HAVE NOWHERE TO GO, BEAN MAN"

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 12, 2014

Album of the Month:
Alcohol & Isolation by Three Ninjas
Old-school, howling, angry, depressed, authentic country music. None of this pop-country crap that has dominated the country music scene for the last 30 years. I wrote about this album a little while ago. And I went to its album release party on Tuesday night. Here’s a photo of that:

And here’s a sample song. Take a wissen; it’s good stuffs:

Also, if you manage to track down a physical copy of the CD, there are GOBS of bonus songs at the end! DO IT!

Game of the Month:
Adventure Time: Card Wars
There was an episode of Adventure Time a while back where Finn & Jake played a holographic parody of “Magic: The Gathering” called “Card Wars.” Well, since this is the 21st century, someone went ahead and made a real version of the game so you, too, can play it! It is surprisingly fun, and the voice actors recorded a metric tonne of lines for it. It does a surprisingly good job of capturing the feel and rules of the game as played in the episode. Cons: it’s not free, and it’s micro-transaction based, so unless you’re willing to pony up the cash it’ll take you a long time to build up a powerful deck. Also, there’s no multiplayer, which seems weird since the episode was about a two-player card game. Oh, well. FLOOP THE PIG!