Happy Birthday to Me:
Well, today is my 25th birthday, and I can't think of a better way to celebrate it than with Larb! What is Larb, you ask? Good question!
You see, my friend Ed gave me this strange item for my birthday. It appears to be a normal box of some sort of pretzel stick snack, Pretz®.
But if I thought these Pretz were normal pretzel snacks, I'd be sorely mistaken, my friend! For you see, upon closer inspection, I would notice what flavour these Pretz have been blessed with:
Yes, that's right, friends. LARB FLAVOUR! What could possibly make a delightful Pretz be flavoured like Larb? I decided to find out.
As you can clearly see, the Larb flavour in Pretz is due to the inclusion of LARB POWDER! Oh, will marvels never cease? Now Larb comes in powder form. I swear, I can die a happy man, now that I know that Larb flavoured Pretz are flavoured with real Larb powder.
My hands trembled as I carefully opened the package, lest I find through some horrendous jape that the Larb flavoured Pretz inside have somehow become stale or horrid due to their no doubt having sat upon an obscure shelf of some specialty asian food supply store. But thankfully my fears were without basis: the brains behind Pretz thought ahead.
Glory be! My Larb pretz are sealed in their very own metallic freshness pouch. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw this, let me tell you, friends.
But if I thought my hands were trembling with anticipation when I opened the outer package, it was nothing compared to trying to open the freshness pouch! I couldn't belive I was so close to Larb flavoured Pretz! It seemed some strange, far away dream, as if at any minute I would wake up and be back in my mundane world where such a thing as Larb flavoured Pretz are unheard of.
But no! Suddenly, the freshness pouch split under my grasp, and out flowed the most beautiful ambrosia ever conceived by man or God!
LARB FLAVOURED PRETZ! They were in my sight at last! But dare I touch one, for fear of what the power of Larb might do to one so unworthy as myself? I spent several minutes simply reveling in their heavenly scent. Surely, I thought, no man could have crafted with his profane hands something to fill the world with such delight. Surely, as Athena sprang from Zeus's head, so these Larb flavoured Pretz sprang fully-formed from the mind of some greater god. Perhaps Larb itself was that god.
At long last I was ready. I felt as though I held St. Peter's keys in my hands.
I could hardly bring myself to bring the sacred stick to my filthy lips. But how could I not? I had come this far. Surely to turn back now would only anger the Larb. So I pressed on. And into my mouth slid the food that was beyond good, beyond evil, beyond my wildest imagination.
It was... okay.
Kind of spicy.
Tasted a little bit like chicken flavored ramen.
Huh. Well, so much for that.
Not to worry. Fantastico came by shortly thereafter and showed some interest in the Larb. So, maybe Larb is the god of cat treats. I don't know. I was still in kind of a daze from having the spell of Larb being broken by actually tasting it. All I know for sure is that my Larb flavoured Pretz are in a happier place, now:
Enjoy it, Fantastico. Enjoy. Of such stuff dreams are made...