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My Gift-Giving Philosophy

Well, folks, it's getting to be about that time of year. Time to do what you gotta do. Be a man. Be somebody. Don't give in to fustration.

Get Christmas gifts for people.

Yeah, yeah, you know you gotta. Unless you're Jewish or any of dozens of other religions. But even then you'll undoubtedly know someone who celebrates Christmas, and you should probably get them a gift.

With that in mind, I am heretofore going to relate some unsolicited advice to you about what kind of gifts to give to people this holiday season. It's a very simple gift-giving philosophy. Surprisingly simple, and yet not often though about I've discovered.

Here it is: Only give people things that you personally like.

Huh? What? (Milk?) Hold on, let me explain before you start leaking milk out of your giant teddy bear eyes!

Here's what I figure. If you're giving a gift to a friend or loved one, you probably have something in common with that person. A hobby, a like, a dislike, a pain somewhere in your intestines. Something that the two of you can relate with together. It only makes sense that you would give them a gift that also has to do with whatever you have in common. Let's say you both like Homestar Runner. Why not get this person a Homestar Runner shirt? Or maybe the figurines? As long as you also think it's cool.

Why? Because in my mind and in my heart it means more to receive something from somebody when I know that they also like it. It shows that they're thinking not about just what I like, but about what we like together. It makes me know they actually thought about what to give me instead of just going through my wish list and randomly selecting something because they know at least I want it. I want them to want it, too, otherwise it just doesn't mean as much.

So all you peoples out there, if you don't like wrestling yourself, don't get me the WrestleCrap book. If you don't like TransFormers, don't get me the boxed sets. But if you, too, like watching movies (like the Aliens series of films), by all means get me a DVD (like the Quadrilogy). Maybe we'll watch it together and grow closer because of our shared propensities.

And if you find that you can't think of something that somebody wants that you also like, maybe you should stop to think, "Why am I getting a gift for someone with whom I have nothing in common?"

Christmas is supposed to be about friends, family, and loved ones all coming together. What better way to honor those people in your life than by getting them something that you can share? Although probably not literally "share." Don't go giving people things and then saying, "Hey, can I borrow that for a while?"

That's just sick. Sick and wrong. Like a giant teddy bear leaking milk.

Have a happy holidays, everyone.

-Christopher Grant Harris

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